I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
