I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
