I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
