What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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