if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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