shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
