I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
