walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
