My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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