The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize