i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
