My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i think i just lost a toe
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
