Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
