Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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