gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
