I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
