help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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