Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
