She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
