Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
