god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
