Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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