Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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