is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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