Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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