You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
