My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
