That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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