god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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