found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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