dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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