think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
