she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
