Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
