Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
