Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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