New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
