i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
