Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just had sex on a roof
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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