Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Drunk is a universal language darling
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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