two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
