so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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