its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
