shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
