Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
