Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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