Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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