I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
