So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
