We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
