it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
