Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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